Saturday, January 29, 2011


You may think that Ayeesha MD is asleep the whole week. She may need a kiss from Prince Charming to wake her up. It's been a very busy week that I haven't updated this blog for like several days already. Now I feel so lame. I want to spank myself for it but I can't be too hard on myself when everything is being too difficult on me already. T he theme of the week really is survival. Mot days, I feel like I'll never make it through the day. So many things to do, so little time. When you are on your last lap in college, you know what I mean.

Since this is not a Big Brother-ish life cast, I won't bother recounting all the bloody details of my week. Man can't live on ranting alone.

I made it clear already, that I am not Sleeping Beauty, in fact I haven't been sleeping too well. So who is she that the title of this post refers to? Look below.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011


I should have posted this earlier but due to my weekend spent doing domestic chores since mom wasn't around, I couldn't find time. 'Twas Saturday afternoon and my little bro was urging me to come with him to watch the street dance competition only to find out that we totally got the date wrong. The said competition is not scheduled until early Feb. Without anything to do that aftie, we decided instead to have coffee and Donut 'n Dip at Mister Donut. It's a rarity that I go out with my lil bro like just the two of us, and lucky me, I brought the digicam to document it. You know how some teenage boys are, they don't like being around much with their big sis. But not my bro. I don't know how and why, but we really are tight. And I have to admit, that I play favorites among my sibs and he is my fav as of the moment.

<--- That's him.

And me. Pasimpleng cam-whore.


Mamang and Papang were away for three days. My cousin stabbed my other cousin so my oldies have to go all the way to Butuan City to serve as arbitrators. Those two boys are not diractly connected if not for my mom who is their common aunt. Our relatives in Butuan and Ramain requested the presence of my mom to keep hostilities at bay. If my mom didn't go, they may have killed each other by now. Our men are like characters straight out of action movies. They have balls for vendetta. Who needs policemen when your balls are way bigger than theirs?

So three days sans a mommy in the house… Being the eldest girl in the family, I had to assume the role of my mommy dearest. I thought, no sweat.

'Twas fun, like the feeling one gets from bahay-bahayan. I was giddy the first time, you know, planning the meals, making sure the ref is well-stocked, the kids drink milk before sleep, no dust under the rug, the boys don't stay up too late at night playing Final Fantasy in the PS2, the laundry is done, the sink is spotless, the uniforms are well-ironed, the home works are finished before the little girls watch Disney Channel. The to-do list went on and on until I realized, this is beyond my powers. Two years of existence haven't prepared me for mommying.

Mom was 21 when she got married and had my eldest bro. I am now a year older and my mommying skills is so far behind hers. If I had a baby now, I would have no idea how to raise him up. Mom isn't exactly perfect. For too many times, I blame her for my short-comings. I shouldn't have. I really shouldn't have. I thought to myself, if she raised me up a little better than how she did, I would be a so much better person. But mom isn't a robot. Eight kids to feed, clothe, educate, I now realize I have to commend her for everything. She is a super in her right. She did her best. I've always wanted distance from mom, just to experience a little more independence. But after three days without her, I have to admit to myself that I did miss her. I'm so glad that she is so back. I can't play her role as well as she can. And even if she thinks that I have come so far from what she have achieved in life, for she is your typical stay-at-home-mama, I think that she is so good that I will have to crawl and claw my way to achieve her wisdom and mommying skills.

I don't tell you as much as I should, but really, I love you Mamang. No one can replace you.

Monday, January 24, 2011


Just a quick post for today...

Jojo Lakwatsero featured moi in his blog as the Blogger of the week. he sent me a list of questions which are so fun to answer that i lolled at each question.

Click here to view the whole interview thing.

Next thing that I'd like to share today is Hijabi Hippie Hypo's Blogversary Contest. She's giving away some cute goodies so if interested click here. Happy anniv 3H, can't wait for my own blogversary which is like more than 10 months from now. More blog posts to come.

Friday, January 21, 2011


          Some people are so generous with compliments that if compliments can kill, I would have died a long time ago. Just recently, someone murdered me with sweetness. Look below:

Thanks Dennis. I am beyond flattered. Just beyond!


                Shopping online is one of the things that I have to do yet. I am hearing good stuffs about it from different circles. I thought to myself, I might as well give it a try. First thing that came to my mind is what kinds o stuffs are sold on the internet? Is online shopping as good as shopping in regular stores? So I surfed around and came across a site that kindled my curiosity more.

                I was so surprised to see stuffs like an oc830m mini AC adapter that can be used to replace Dell, Acer, and Gateway AC adapters. That is just an example of the products they sell in that site. They also have computers, laptops, batteries, hard disks and other computer products. Looking for these products without looking up the internet can be taxing. But now, buying all your hardware needs for you computers is just a click away. 
                I had fun browsing the site because I never knew even garden fixtures are sold there like a 1 aa fiber optic illuminator for hobbies , fiber optic lighted faux bonsai and a 0.5 gpm inline aerator  .  These are perfect for hobbyists. Moreover, the site also sells various products for practically everyone like electronics, cameras, clothing, cameras, and health and beauty products. It’s like a one-stop-shop.

Thursday, January 20, 2011


          Leah of is on a 30-day blogging challenge. Last year, it was Kamila of who underwent such. I'm under the impression that these challenges are for new bloggers who are challenged to write everyday to keep them from quitting their blogs. To tell you, maintaining a blog is really difficult especially for newbie bloggerinas e.g. me. I have made around 3 blogs before this and I have abandoned them all. It's not everyday that we have an epiphany and a thousand words to keep our readers interested, that is, if there are really people on the globe who chanced to end up on our blogs. Moreover, the idea that thousands of pro bloggers dominate the whole blogging scene ever since blogging became a phenomenon years ago is frustrating. I mean, I bet every blogger out there wishes to have a large following. How can we compete with the titans?

          I know… you are waiting for it. The defense mechanism. :-)

          Here it goes. Even if the face of the internet-landia is too huge to try to make a mark on, at the end of the day, I believe that blogging is still a fulfilling endeavor. One stylist-blogger (Is she the woman of style by Kling? Sorry, I forgot the link.) said that when done right, a blog is one's best resume. True enough. In a world where everything is being put on the web,  it is a good strategy to have a good online record. Potential employers may Google you and find that you have an impressive blog. That's a plus point to you.

          First few weeks into blogging, it is sad to see that our pages are so bare and that we only have a few entries. We blog-hop and befriend other bloggers. We follow them, they follow us too. We get to know them through their blog posts even if we haven't really met. More blog-hopping and we find those really talented ones. You see, I am a voracious reader. Even if I did not leave a comment, the blogger had no idea that I devoured their tasty posts. An there is that feeling of intimacy in the blogging world. Because we blog with our hearts, we share our lives and deepest thoughts.

          Here's to a fruitful year of blogging, and no quitting even if boredom and writer's block strike!

[[ OLATS! ]]

           Above are some of the medals I collected from joining inter-collegiate quiz shows. Over the years, I have been so lucky to be always bringing home a medal whenever I join one. But yesterday, I seem to run out of luck.

          I lost. For the first time, I went home with tears, not literally. I'm so used to winning that I don't know what it's like to lose in a quiz show. Finally, I had the taste of it. And I don't like it at all. It is humiliatingly BITTER.

          I gotta be honest, who wants to lose at anything? Still, I am fortunate for that experience. I know, I am lemonsweetening it. What choice do I have? When life gives you lemon, make a lemonade. Who said that anyway? It is very expected that I'll have to say something positive at the end of this ranting. So here it goes: losing humbles one down. Bow.

          However, this post won't end with plain ranting and seeing-the-silver-lining crap. I'd have to pepper this with some criticisms, or else, I'd be just like anyone playing goody-two-shoes. I'm not like that, when I let my tongue go wild, prepare for verbal whipping.

          I wish the organizers were more prepared. The lights went out on the first round and they did not have a backup plan. Considering that power interruption is like an everyday thing here, they should have anticipated it and prepped for it. Generator is a must. I'm not trying to imply that we could have won if the quiz went as smooth as silk, but we could have enjoyed more. I was pissed when they continued with the quiz even if it means that the quiz master had to shout on top of his lungs and the all-important slide show had to be shown on laptops. Hello? We were in the gymnasium and the acoustics is so bad that the sound doesn't bounce well. So difficult to hear the questions, concentrate, and answer in ten seconds. I am pretty sure that the other quizzers will agree with me on this. 

          And how can I ever forget those Filipino words that I had never knew existed:







At marami pang iba.

          Lesson learned: "Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling wika, hindi nananalo sa dictio-quiz."

          On the second thought, I'm not a Filipino anyway. Because I am a MORO.

(Charlie's Angels? nah! my teammates Pots and Juhay)
(The other CNSM team Gerence, Cyro, Ronnel Christian. Newbies but oh-so-good.)

(Special feature: Dennis, the one in green... his wit made my afternoon a lil more fun.)
(Drowning our sorrow over pizza and isaw at Muti's.)


Tuesday, January 18, 2011



           Fact is I have a lot of best friends. I have introduced to you Rashid Pandi, my uber cerebral best guy friend, last month.  And I have promised to be featuring my friends in this blog in a section called FF or featured friend.

          This month, I am proud to introduce Hannah Mae Suazo, or Tiffany Grace. I am not really sure bout that Tiffany Grace thing. One afternoon , I helped her cut letters of her name out of old Preview magazines and said I include Tiffany Grace. It is her fave name, I suppose. As I said, I have a lot of best friends, around 5% of all my friends(in the general and most biblical sense of the word friend) I consider besties. So why do I feature Yanatot this month instead of my other besties?

          Because she is different. (I hope I don't incite jealousy hare. :DD )

          Numero uno, she is a Christian. The only one in my usual crowd with that faith. Having been raised in a very sheltered environment where 99.99% of the people I mingle with share the same faith with me--Islam--it is kind of improbable that I can have that level of closeness to someone having very different belief from me. That alone makes her different in my world.

          Numero dos, we became friend through a different circumstance. She knew me before I even knew she existed. Yeah, I was kind of famous in the bio department. I was an alien to them that time, being fresh out of the college of engineering and just shifted to BS Zoology. Naturally, I was under the microscope for some time, not to mention that I have a reputation that ignites controversy. She said she can't forget that time when we were in the same class-Physics-and I was the girl who is always tardy if not absent yet aces all the exams and seemed to be unaware of the presence of her classmates. The truth is, I really don't care who sits beside or behind me in class. That explains my aloof attitude. So Yanna, the other popular girl was sort of irritated. I bet the first emotion she felt towards me leans to the negative side.

          Look at her photo, isn't she beautiful? I think so too. That face of her and winning personality of hers started our bond. She was a candidate in the Ms. CNSM, an annual beauty pageant in our college that is part of the science week celebration. That day was their photo shoot for publicity purposes. She was having some dilemma and I don't know exactly what happened but what I remember is that I helped her during the shoot and I was even the one who took her beauty shot. Our contact didn't stop there, I was always around during their rehearsals because I was the one of the hosts of the pageant. Her bubbly personality won me over. I liked her instantly. Her sunny disposition and quick wit is viral. She is very sociable but doesn't stoop down to the level of the gossipers. We'd rather talk about ideas than about the latest juicy stories in the campus.

          We were inseparable even after the pageant.

          It is unusual to see besties like us. One look at us together and you'll see how different we are. I am always dressed very modestly while she gets away with her sexy outfits. While my head is covered with a scarf, she sashays in her sundress. My fondest memories of her are when we rock the hallways. I mean it. It takes a great self-restraint to avoid turning head to see us. I don't know what's with our "rampage", our term for rampa. Lock jaw sila. :))

          Do we talk about religion? Yes. A lot. We discuss it often not to argue about which is which but to understand better. She will say,"Gurl, kasi sa amin, ganito…" And I'll say,"Ah kaya pala Gurl… kasi diba sa amin…" "Yun yun man!"

          Above all, she's the kind of bestie I am a hundred percent sure will be there when I'm up or I'm down. Hanna Gurl, you know I couldn't make it without you. Truth is, several months ago, I was stuck in a dark pit, everything that has been going for me; academics, extra-curricular, inter-personal relationships; was on the rocks. I lost everything. I couldn't get everything right again if not for that night you told me to entrust God Who I call Allah all that I carry on my already tired back. To stop being too hard on myself. Because nothing is impossible for Him. And He loves me too much. And when I ask, He will respond. And everything will be alright.

Things I want you to know about Hannah:

She loves to read fiction. She's not just a pretty face, she carries something heavy inside her skull.

Have I mentioned she too is a soon-to-be doctor?

She can drive a motorbike to hell and back.

When she sings, she sounds like Mariah minus the birit.

She eats food in weird combos, like Magic Chips and Choco Mucho simultaneously.

She is single (wink)

Friday, January 14, 2011


So I got my first award. The kind of award I want to have.

This award is given to me by a fellow stylish blogger Ishashime of!

Rules For Receiving The Award
  • Thank and link back to the person that awarded you this award
  • Share 7 things about yourself
  • Award 15 recently discovered great bloggers
  • Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award

7 things about me:

1. I take the challenge of wearing something old or out of fashion and make it look cool.

2. I can finish a Harry Potter Book in one night.

3. I am a quiz show freak. Like I join every inter-group and inter-collegiate quiz show there is in the campus.

4. I debate too.

5. I can't sleep without reading something.

6. I eat too much chicken.

7. The best weather for me to wear ankle boots is when it's raining and kinda flooding. I just enjoy it.

I then give the award to:

1. Kai of 
2. Kamila of
3. Jaydee of
4. Leah of
5.Kraehe of
6. Veroniz of
7. Jojo of
8. Ishashime of

I don't know too many bloggers as of now. So I give the award to just 8. Ayt?

"Fashion is passing but style is eternal." -YSL

[[ PAPPED? ]]

papped - v. paparazzi-ed

(casually walking with my very good friend Shiro notr knowing that we were being papped already)

          Yesterday, the Japanese Pop star Shiro, arrived to our little town of Marawi. Naturally, the paparazzi will be tagging along with her.  Us, the pop star's friends dressed our best for the occassion in case the paps include us in their shots. Haha.

(the paps were too noisy that we noticed them after a while)


          Everything is fiction. The Pop star is really just my friend Shiro who is in town for a vacation. The Paps are our future-lawyer-friends Ben and Mahid. 'Twas an afternoon of delight. We dressed in our best to play our parts in the supposed come back of a pop star and to participate in a day of fashion war. I have more photos to post but my lappy isn't cooperating.  So the photos are from Mahid. Thanks Mahid.



Tuesday, January 11, 2011


"Have a break, have a Kitkat."

No. This is not a paid post to advertise the ubiquitous Kitkat. That line, to me, sounds as pleasant as breakfast after a night of hedonistic dancing. And I badly need Kikat-ing. I mean, I need a break. Don't look up the dictionary. Kitkat-ing is not YET there, at least for the moment. You now me. I make up words. I'm the mad word doctor. I stitch words and make them into new beings that are, well, Frankensteinish.

I need a break. Really. This whole drama of having to be always armed with false humility or else I'd seem too cocky and this too much hand-shaking with people who don't really converse with me before needs to be stopped. Ok ok, I get it. You are proud of me. Or at least feels obligated to congratulate me. But hey, just cut the whole scene.

My days are so saturated with it. Can't we just go back to normal days? Don't put me on that pedestal. A single achievement doesn't qualify me to be there. You know I was NEVER the good student. Or that uncool kid who sticks his nose on his books and never gets tardy. That sociable trying-hard-to-be-famous-in-school-bitch who earns favors from teachers through PR. That overly competitive guy who matches his academic genius with kodigo genius (wala na kaming laban sayo!). That work horse who won't miss signing up in every campus organization there is to add up in his CV.

No. I was never that kind. I was the deviant one. And still is. The girl who will simply walk out the class when bored. The girl who won't sacrifice a minute of sleep just for an exam. I was never a good student. So don't praise me too much.

Taking exams has always been my forte. Maybe that's the only thing I'm good at. Like, I can't sing, dance, and go to school regularly. But give me an exam. Bang! Dead. Grade 6. I took the entrance test in the two best schools here. Bang! Top 1. Top 1. Both. Fourth year high school. Took the MSU-SASE. Bang! Top 2. Fouth year College. National Medical Admission Test. Boom! 99.

I repeat. I'm not a good student. But a good sponge. Better than Scotch-Brite and Sponge Bob combined because I am super-absorbent. You know what I mean.

See. It's not a surprise. Instead of bloating my already fat ego, help me by making me see my soft spots. I'm not all THAT. I easily lose balance. I easily fall into the trap of boredom. So let's stop this drama because I am already bored. Give me a Kitkat!

When I wake up tomorrow, I would be thinking of camwhoring, chemistry, and carpe diem-ing. Amen!



P.S. Pardon the egocentrism. It's MY blog remember? So raise your brow and get over it.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

[[ DOLCE ]]



I woke up this morning to Mom's SWEET voice.

Prayed and savored SWEET tranquility.

Pan de sal slathered with chicken spread. SWEET.

Aroma of scalding-hot black coffee. SWEET.

And then you called. SWEETER.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

[[ SLOW DAY ]]

          The rain poured day and night. What choice do I have but stay home as much as possible, read books and magazines over and over again, get overly caffeinated, and stare at the distance hoping the sun can fight back the cold weather?

          It's a slow day. Ideas are as sleepy as the grey clouds. Maybe this photo post will do today. Or maybe not.

Friday, January 7, 2011


(Above is a screen shot of my score. This post is for everyone who are happy for me for getting that.)

About NMAT

          The National Medical Admission Test (NMAT) is an instrument designed to upgrade the selection of applicants seeking admission to Philippine medical schools. It evolved from a widespread concern to screen qualified candidates aspiring for a medical degree. It intends to improve the quality of medical education in the country and envisions to elevate the medical profession to a level of competence through a careful evaluation of student potentials for future medical studies.

          Pursuant to the Medical Act of 1959, the Board of Medical Education (BME), under DECS Order No. 52 series 1985 and in consultation with the Association of Philippine Medical Colleges (APMC), required the NMAT as a prerequisite for admission in all medical schools nationwide beginning school year 1986 - 1987.

          The Center for Educational Measurement, Inc. (CEM) has been authorized to manage the affairs and activities related to the operation of the NMAT since the first administration of the test in December 1985. With CEM’s experience as an educational testing agency, it was commissioned to develop the NMAT, ensure the reliability and validity of the test and uphold the confidentiality of results and integrity of its administration.


          Part I of the NMAT yields five scores, one for each of the four aptitude subtests and their summative score, the APT Composite. Similarly, Part II yields five scores, one for each of the four special subject areas and their summative score, the SA Composite. The General Performance Score, or GPS, is the summative score derived from the eight subtests. Click here to view an image of the Examinee Report Form (ERF) on which the NMAT scores are printed.

          The results on the test are converted to standard scores from normalized scales which have points ranging from 200 to 800 and midpoints of 500. These scales were mathematically derived from the NMAT performance of the norm group. The test, therefore, is norm-referenced. The test results of examinees are automatically compared to those of the norm group which has mean scores of 500 (coincident to the midpoint 500) and a standard deviation of 100. In addition, a percentile rank scale was generated specifically for the General Performance Score (GPS) for purposes of ranking. This scale has points ranging from 1- to 99+, with a midpoint of 50 which-corresponds to the midpoint of 500 in the normalized standard score scales.
An examinee’s raw score or number of correct answers in a subtest is converted to its equivalent standard score. The eight subtests have a common normalized scale. This makes possible the comparison of reported scores across the eight subtests.

          The APT Composite and SA Composite are the summative raw scores of Part I and Part II, respectively, which are then converted to their equivalent standard scores from a common normalized scale. The General Performance Score (GPS) is the summative raw score of the eight subtests which is converted to its equivalent standard score and corresponding percentile rank. Thus, the three standard scores are independent scores although they yield to the same interpretation of standard scores and percentile ranks.

(copied from cem website)

They said I killed the test. I say... Am guilty as charged.


Ok. So plinky has bombarded my inbox with queries. That just means one thing: I have to respond to at least one. I picked the question which I chose as the title of this post.

The past or the future. THE PAST.

Why not the future? Because the future I believe is inexistent. The physics of tomorrow is that whatever will happen there is dependent upon the circumstances of today. The forces of today will direct us to wherever that tomorrow is. Moreover, the essence of the future is its element of surprise. What is there to live for if we know what is in store for us? I have took into consideration the possibility of changing the future if it is, for instance, catastrophic. But still it defeats the enigma and excitement of it all. We don't have to see for ourselves future disasters when we can foresee them anyway. What is important is that we lived our lives in such a way that our actions will take us to where we desire. Come what may.

So why the past? Because I miss someone in the past. I miss him so bad although it has been more than a decade. I miss my gramps. I miss his daily visits to our home. I miss how he knocks and calls upon us, his grandchildren, while we will race to be the one to open the gate and be the first to hug him tightly. I miss his smell even if he smells like Champion cigarette. I miss the texture of his white flat-top hair that I used to play with. I miss those weekends when he will take me to his and grandma's house in our hometown. I miss how we share stories while I sit on his lap. I miss those cold saturday nights that we watch Magandang Gabi Bayan while I'm snuggled between gramps and granny. I remember that he'll always brag about his little princess to anyone who will lend an ear. He'd recount how good I am in school and how proud he is of me.

When I get back to the past, I'd like to tell him that I will not fail him. His little girl is making her own name. His little girl is on her way to her big dreams. I'll hug him and tell him how much I love him. I guess I've never really expressed enough just how much I do.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011


Was watching TV Patrol last night and saw that in Benguet, the temperature dropped to 9.8 degrees Celcius. Farmers woke up to find that their fields of cabbage is covered with frost. I was like, wow, mayebe in a few days snow will be falling in the Philippines. Here in Marawi, I bet it's around 14-18 degrees.

Anyway, as much as I love the idea of building snowmen and riding a sleigh, I realized this whole winter fantasy of mine is a shame. An island girl like me cannot function well without the sun. I survived the sweater season in the States, when I was an exchange student in Northern Illinois University. But that's because of the things that made me adapt there. For example, doing the laundry is a breeze. I just walk into Junction, use their washing machines and dryers while I watch primetime TV on a huge flatscreen. Here in the Philippines, I do the laundry in a semi-open air area with a washing machine minus the dryer (the one that dries clothes with heat and not just by centrifugal force aka spinning). I thought I'd die of hypoglycemia yesterday when I did the laundry early in the morning. Another winter must-have is the heating system in the house. We are used to the aircon but I am yet to sea a heater in our country. The only way to warm myself that I
could think of is enclose myself in a cocoon of layers of sweaters and staying in bed, sipping scalding hot coffee while reading Dean Koont's for the nth time and blog-hopping.

Speaking of blog-hopping, I learned that there is so much talent in the Pinoy blogosphere. I promise to follow you all who followed me tomorrow. I'm still in a vacay + cocooning mode today and my browser doesn't support some features of Blogger.



Tuesday, January 4, 2011


Last week, flights were cancelled all over Europe and some parts of
the US. Little did I know that Ice Queen would have interest in my
little town up here in Marawi City. I say up here because this city is
like 700 feet above sea level. Like Baguio and Tagaytay, the climate
is cooler than the rest of the country all year round. But yesterday
and this morning as I am typing these words on my mobile phone, Ice
Queen is wreaking havoc in my small town. Although we did not
experience snow or hail, my toes and ears would have frozen if i am
not wearing socks and a hoodie. Nasa Pilipinas pa ba ako? Even my
brain is freezing. Wala tuloy akong maisip na creative. It is just too
cold now that I wouldn't mind spending the day in bed.

But something happened that made my brain thaw more slowly. Mamang
turned on the water pump and put the hose into the washing machine
which contains my unrinsed clothes. So klaro kelangan kong bumangon or
else babaha. Nice tactic Mother Dear, you left me with no choice but
to get up and do the laundry in the unholy hour of 5:45 in the
freezing cold morning. Alabyu Nanay Ko, galing mo talaga. Umuusok na
ilong ko oh. Mother knows best kaya naisahan na naman ako. :))

Sunday, January 2, 2011


I'm the type of girl who asks a lot of questions, either i speak my mind or keep it to myself. Why do we have to act in a certain way? Why do we have to write in a predetermined manner? Why do we have to have limits, boundaries, conventins, norms, and rules?

And I'm the type of girl who finds beauty in contrasts juxtaposed. Street wear plus high end brand. Sleek and ultra-modern architecture furnished with vintage wares. Picasso and Da Vinci. Orange juice in pepsi. Gears in a crystal goblet. Love and hate. Apathy and sympathy. Poetry and prose.

Way back in high school, I was taught the two kinds of writing. Either one writes in prose or poetry. Prose is like when you write in sentences and paragraphs in a conversational way. Poetry, you write in verses, either free-verse or not, like a sonnet and a quatrain. I questioned, why differentiate the two like as if they are like oil and water? Why not write in both syles simultaneously? I fell in love with poetry, but writing in verse is difficult and impractical in an everyday setting unless we are still in the middle ages touring with the troubadours. So my prose sounded like poetry. My sentences sometimes rhyme and I abuse metaphor too much. That's the beauty in creative writing. That's the beauty of linguistics. Words are able to paint pictures, capture the faintest feelings, immortalize an iota of idea. To capture beauty, I needed poetry. Because prose isn't enough.



Saturday, January 1, 2011


Staring at the whiteness of the screen, I have this feeling that I will be writing one of those vague lengthy crap that no one will dare finish reading. I have a lot in mind right now. I am unsure how to proceed in a logical way. But I'll go on anyway, punching into my keyboard letters that will turn to words that may capture the noises and pixels churning within.

A while ago, I just found out that Jojo, one of my favorite bloggers to date nominated me as the Best in English Blogger of the Year. Wow. Jojo, I want you to know how deeply moved I am. A month into the blogosphere and I received that honor from you. I'm practically a green horn and yet... Merci beau coup. It's just a nomination, but it means so much, for nameless faceless newbie.

I have always loved writing. I remember that years ago, my restlessness could only be cured when I write down all those words screaming inside me. Writing was the only release. I was so thirsty for life like a vampire who haven't had a meal for a century. I romanticize everything, even the most trivial details of daily living. Monotone was never in my vocabulary. I easily fell in and out of love with just about anything. I broke and mended my heart countless times.

It could have been an epic until the day that I gave up on romance.

I gave up my rose-tinted glasses. I gave up my pen and paper, decided to face the so-called reality. Decided to join the race. I was scared. They scared the hell out of me. They said that my dreams are beyond. That like Icarus, I may burn my wings if I didn't go back on the safe ground. That if I walk on the path less taken, I may lose my way. That I couldn't make a career out of writing, J.K. Rowling is a one in 5 billion. That engineering and law is an absurd combo. That I should just be like my peers, focused on a single goal.

I tied a white hanky to a stick, waved it weakly in the air. Peter Pan came back to London that day. Goodbye Neverland. Goodbye dreamy sunsets and intense midnights.

All the colors in my world was sucked out, left me with a new word: monotone. Everything was in shades of grey. Is this the real world, where everyone suits up to rise in the corporate ladder? Where everyone loses identity in a sea of black and navy pinstripes? Where everyone rejoices in triumphs based solely on material benefits? I felt the cold air creep in, coiling around me like an invisible snake. Despair. Nightmare. I heard tormented souls under the earth cry out. And a dark figure materialized out of thin air. It came closer to me. Under its hood, endless darkness. I felt its cold kiss. Dementor!

It has been two years. I was even joking about writer's block. Didn't know that the joke was on me. Two years of being out of the school publication. I just can't write anymore. Inspiration left. Along with my dreams and my pet unicorn. I was on the crossroads although my path was already chosen for me. But why can't I walk on every path I want and then shift on another? Why can't I make my own? Why can't I rewrite the map? They didn't trust me.

Dreamless nights hardened my wings as I slept in a coccoon I made for myself. I woke one day, my wings were a little fragile. I had to fly. I had to chase my long lost dreams. I had to find my lost unicorn. Writer's block broke. The world, again, is romancing the writer, romancing the bloggerina.


Ten tenenenen! Here comes the TABA--The Annual (Kalsada) Blog Awards. I maybe a newbie in the blogosphere, like I started this blog on December 4 but I think I've already acquainted myself with some good bloggers. Anyone is eligible to nominate, so here are my nominees:

•Best Kikay Blog Design - Jaydee of

Just visit her blog and you'll know why.

•Most Promising Blogger of the Year - Kamil of

I love her posts. She always has something under her sleeves. Her perspective on everything is simply refreshing.

•Best in English Blogger of the Year - Kai of

I like her way of writing. Structured and organized. Simple but drives the point home.

•Bibong Blogger of the Year - Jojo of

His posts tickles me. lol


OMG OMG! Look! It's and not thanks to Kai who I can't be more
grateful of. But why so serious?

I don't know. I guess since my domain sounds a little more pro,
there's an added pressure to write better and be a better blogger.
Really I don't want to waste the added prestige of the dot info.
Here's to a year of blogosphere domination. Ambisyosa! :))

[[ NYR ]]


Watched the brief fireworks display. Sat down. Opened my email account and started to write an this that will be posted on my blog. So, I did promise to blog about my NYR-new year resoultions. Here I am racking my brains to contemplate on the year that has spanked my butt and put me into so many turning points and showered me in the end with spoonfulls of sweet victory. What are the things that I will be working on this year?

1. TO SMILE MORE OFTEN. This has been my answer to Kai's question in her win-a-domain contest. Thankfully, I won as a special awardee for according to Kai, my answer hit her in the eye. Here's what I said.

"Upon browsing my pictures saved in my laptop, i noticed that I rarely smile. And if I do, I give a very reserved one-sealed lips, no teeth showing, eyes not in sync with the smile. I thought to myself, why? Why am I not as happy-looking as I want to be? So in 2011, I want to change my pout into a smile. As 'Aaidh ibn Abdullah al-Qarni said in his book, Don't be Sad, "To smile at your brother is charity." My usual assalamu alaykum, good morning/afternoon/eve, will be accompanied by a smile. That way, I can bring little joy not only to the one I'm greeting but to myself as well. I remember one scene in my fav movie Eat Pray Love, the medicine man advised Julia Roberts to smile, and not just smile simply but smile with the liver. Perhaps, if we smile more often, smile even if we don't feel like flashing our pearly whites, we will be a little happier. More than that, we make everyone around us feel lighter. I feel that I can fulfill this resolution, why not
when Allah blessed me with so much to smile about?" (see

2. ALWAYS WAKE UP EARLY. I am insomniac. That's a fact. I rarely sleep before 10 pm even if I sweat blood trying. I toss and turn on my bed, as my mind plays memories and random thoughts over and over again. Not until I am so exhausted can I sleep. That leaves me tired and groggy in the morning. Waking up is a torture especially that I have to wake up for the dawn prayer. A few times, I just refuse to wake up. But the consequence is grave. The guilt is there, for missing a prayer, starting the day late, and wasting precious early morning hours that could have been spent for doing chores or whatever worthwhile there is. This year, no matter how little sleep I had, I will wake up and stand for my prayer and keep moving. The early bird catches the fat worm. And the hare was beaten by the tortoise because he slept while the race is on.

3. NEVER SKIP A MEAL. My favorite professor in the biology department, Dr. Jhonamie Mabuhay, warned us that skipping a meal is actually the number one cause of death of brain cells. When we go hungry, our brain continues to function, or else we die, and without food, the cells in the brain canibalize each other. It's like the brain cells eat their fellow brain cells to survive a no-food phase. I don't ever wanna be dumb. Or dumber than how dumb I am now. A doctor in the making cannot let her brain cells die of starvation, or else...

So that's it. Three simple resolutions, so plain to the point of becoming not challenging. I'm comforted by the idea that these words of promise hold potential of being fulfilled. They're easy and realistic. I won't promise the moon and the stars, that's just beyond. As of now, that's all I can hold on my palm. I won't dare bite more than I can digest, swallow more than I can digest.

HAPPY 1-1-11 !!!

P.S. Merci Kai.