Ok. So plinky has bombarded my inbox with queries. That just means one thing: I have to respond to at least one. I picked the question which I chose as the title of this post.

The past or the future. THE PAST.

Why not the future? Because the future I believe is inexistent. The physics of tomorrow is that whatever will happen there is dependent upon the circumstances of today. The forces of today will direct us to wherever that tomorrow is. Moreover, the essence of the future is its element of surprise. What is there to live for if we know what is in store for us? I have took into consideration the possibility of changing the future if it is, for instance, catastrophic. But still it defeats the enigma and excitement of it all. We don't have to see for ourselves future disasters when we can foresee them anyway. What is important is that we lived our lives in such a way that our actions will take us to where we desire. Come what may.

So why the past? Because I miss someone in the past. I miss him so bad although it has been more than a decade. I miss my gramps. I miss his daily visits to our home. I miss how he knocks and calls upon us, his grandchildren, while we will race to be the one to open the gate and be the first to hug him tightly. I miss his smell even if he smells like Champion cigarette. I miss the texture of his white flat-top hair that I used to play with. I miss those weekends when he will take me to his and grandma's house in our hometown. I miss how we share stories while I sit on his lap. I miss those cold saturday nights that we watch Magandang Gabi Bayan while I'm snuggled between gramps and granny. I remember that he'll always brag about his little princess to anyone who will lend an ear. He'd recount how good I am in school and how proud he is of me.

When I get back to the past, I'd like to tell him that I will not fail him. His little girl is making her own name. His little girl is on her way to her big dreams. I'll hug him and tell him how much I love him. I guess I've never really expressed enough just how much I do.